Adoption is not for the faint of heart...

One of the Moms on my adoption support board said something the other day that really stuck with me.  Adoption is not for the faint of heart.  There has not been one moment during this process - from our infertility treatments to working with our agency to dealing with the joy and then the heartbreak of a failed match - that hasn't live up to that notion.  It has been a rough couple of months for us.

We have known for several months that the child we dreamed about bring home would likely not be coming home with us.  We tried to have faith that things would work out or that we were reading into things to much or believing that this was really meant to be so it had to work out.  We thought if we didn't talk about where we were headed we wouldn't end up there.  In the end I wouldn't change how it fell apart - slowly at first and rapid at the end - it allowed us to slowly grieve our way through the pain versus a door slammed in our face - sudden and startling.

Sometimes situations come into your life and you feel deep down in your heart that they were meant to be.  Sometimes it turns out that they are not.  While it is hard to admit that to yourself when it is everything you ever dream of - it happens.  The reality of this is almost more than we can handle - but we will handle it.  One thing keeps us moving forward and it is the dream that our child is out there waiting for us.  We just haven't found them yet.

So that is where we are today.  We went active with our agency a few weeks ago and are officially in "The Book".  Hopefully someday soon an expectant mom with an adoption plan will site down and look through the book and see our profile and know deep down what we already feel - we WILL be amazing parents!